Coming “Home” with a Hurricane, and What “Home” ACTually Means.

A storm was brewing and I was far from being in the eye, the safest part, where the clarity is and direction. My nerves were at an end, praying I could catch the ADO bus and then snag a cab to tucker away in safety at mi casa, in Tulum. A month had gone by and so many spaces, places, and faces I surrounded myself with I left feeling inspired and invigorated, yet I had this unresolved question of was it really time for me to have left or should I have stayed a little longer?

Upon opening the gate, the previous night, I saw the fairy lights, parasol, and chiffon fabrics hanging from the tree. All still intact as Grace inched closer and closer. Memories flooding back to me of my bday festivities ensued before I left my “home” in Tulum. The inside of the house spick and span clean no trace of life. Surfacing feelings of wanting, no, desiring, to be with someone through the chaos. Emotions rising, a little fear sparked up of not being prepared. These emotions and memories brought me into a place of uncertainty and shook my normally grounded demeanor. High winds and thunder erupting as I lay down. Insides matching my outside. Acting on my nightly ritual, I recited my meditative sleep prayer, a little dialogue from the heart to the universe. My way of reclaiming my power and some sense of “home” and grounding as I felt the element of air, of feeling taken away, and slightly lost with the winds of Grace.

At first I was a little sad that Colleen wasn’t going to be here and then mad at my situation because I was ill prepared for Hurricane Grace. “Why didn’t I reschedule my flight?”, I grumbled to myself. However, upon opening my eyes the following morning, after the numerous shake-ups from the night’s blows and pours, I slowly almost, relentlessly stretched up out of bed. I tried to get out of bed a few times prior and found myself asleep, needing more recovery rest. This time I was ready to accept the day with passion and fire. Welcoming the day in the ways I knew best, my rituals. Rituals that brought me to me, my core, and embodiment of who I wanted to show up as for myself, first and foremost, and for the day.

IF I didn’t show up, then who would get to meet the Tea Fairy of Tulum? Who would get to encounter the beauty of ME, to do this I set myself up for who I want to BE.

I was ready to BE…ME.

I had all I needed, a metaphor directed often to us all in life. Often I/we need or “think” we need to seek out others, things we “think” we want, or how we see it, project it to be one way, and yet “Mama Knows Best”. She always does. My day was playing out exactly how it was supposed to, and thanks to Mother Nature she made sure I was given exactly what I needed, NOT WHAT I WANTED.

I had inherently known it.

I thought about it on the flight “home”. I had told myself and planned, I wanted to be alone and meditate the following day when I arrived back. Not to go out and be with friends, but to be with myself as I felt best. Little did I know, and continue to be reminded of, I have the power to receive all that comes from my heart, and so it would be. My time to myself I could compound on the self-love, inspiration, and nurturance and gift back mas. It was as if Colleen knew me better than myself. And that is how it goes. The universe had plans for me, she was just working through the people in my life to remind me, well force me in this case. To do Me.

But where was ME? Where was home?

My “home” had felt weird because it was old energy. Time to shift and move stagnancy clear. I was coming back to my essence. My essence, upholding my rituals and who I CHOSE to show up as with the day. Each day it is new. Each space, each new place served as a house to transform into a home with what I desired to decorate it with. I chose love.

Love through the ways that I love. Awaken my sensuality. Activating first my smell as it is the easiest way for me to bring my attention into the now, I lit up. Lit up an incense that is. Brought to life with sound through my music. I love my playlists, they put me in all sorts of vibes that I intently curate. A little tender care from words of affirmation to my plant bbs as I watered them and updated them on life. A little unpacking here and there to place my light back into the room from my travels of what was all packed away. Hanging up my sense of being to harness the energy of each object when ready for the moment.

Cough! Cough! Cough! Yeah, there she rumbled another physical manifestation of more to clear. Clear and cleanse me of the path I “think” I am to take and vocalize from my lungs where the wind that gives me breath. Breathing MY life back into ME, and the space I inhabit. Preparing me to call in, vocalize, my journey, my truth to what it is I want, desire, and need.

I sat.

It was time. Time for what I do best and thrive to show up in and as for myself and the world. A TEA CEREMONY. My happy place, and favorite way to ground fully into my essence. The essence I take with me everywhere I go. The essence, the space that gives me myself and teaches me who I am, serves me to serve others, and align to my truth. My natural state of BEING.

A blessing in disguise to bring home my favorite queen tea that embodies my essence, more symbols strewn about for me to witness and ease into knowing I made the decision best for my time of return. Back to the quiet of my seat and mind, I poured out my favorite top-shelf tea, the Hawaiian Spring white tea. A feminine, fruity, sensual body that changes and shows itself as it opens up and dances on your palate with each steep. Reminding me of my worth. Not every day do I drink it, so when I do I cherish it. For it is ME, it is special. I use it for my powerful ceremonies that call in strong empowerment and drive. This time during the hurricane its power worked with Mother Nature to ease me and set me straight. Like a slap in a cold shower to wake you up and get you going. You’re glad you did it and almost wanna go back for more. She showed me it is time for ME and to be in awe of all the beauty I hold, possess, has and be in a state of gratitude to move forward and begin my new chapter in Tulum, Chapter 5. Thank you all in Cali for your loving words and affirmations of who I am, yet it is me, and always me that I will and can truly listen to when it comes to standing(knowing) in my power.

I sat and drank another cup of tea and then began to flip over the card I picked when weighing out how much tea to use.

The Mountain card.

From my Taoist deck. The grounding I needed upon my arrival back to my “home” in Tulum. These signs really were speaking to my heart of knowing I made the proper arrangement to come back. A doubt had flashed when I walked into the home I needed; a clean space, maybe a little cleaner than I left it. Yet something was off. What could be missing? Which I realized upon holding the card. My magical palace that holds my essence. What was missing was not my palace but the latter part My Essence, I had been gone a while so I saw glimpses of my energy in it and now it was time to place my touch of love back in my home. The mountain is strong and steadfast, its grandeur reminding us of our journey, our peaks, valleys, our treks we set out on, yet so settled in its foundation, who can move mountains? Only our own mountains we create can we act on moving.

This was my space and time to act on me in my home and ground. The essence I take with me everywhere I go. The essence, the space that gives me myself and teaches me who I am serves me to serve others and align to my truth.

Nature, whether it be a hurricane or tea, holds this space for me to grow into every day. My essence is my home. I am my essence and when I sprinkle my magic and act upon it…I then am home.

Upon second awakening, emotionally speaking, I finally knew this was my prayer being answered. Mother nature was showering me, blowing me off my rocker, and clearing all that was. Mother nature was telling me to let go of the fear, let go of the happy memories that served their purpose and now time to clear for new.

This hurricane was my time to clear and ground for new take away all the beauty of what was and allow it to pass not to hold on like the trees that fell or the roots that grasped for dear life. We had a new reason and path for being. The fallen trees would serve their purpose in new ways for it simply being itself and not trying to be what it once had, standing tall where it once lived.

Down all the leaves, trees, and water, all the bullshit went to the ground. Down I went for my monthly dose of grounding. Out of service and into my HOME, my HEART.

Memories hold timestamps; they remind us of things to let go of and to learn from. Like our childhood hometown or going home to old friends and new ones, they provide a glimpse into who we are but they are not the full spectrum of who we are. Only we can bear witness to that power and that is for us to choose each day. Will we see our power? And even more so will we act on our power to bring us home? To bring us all to a place of love in our home. For it is what I do and shares even if it is by myself in the comforts of my “home” that I can see and feel

I AM HOME. I am MY home

and that is when I go around being my MEiest ME.

I am always home when I come back to myself, to my heart, to love, and take action on my rituals.

I quoted home because it is so loosely thrown around and forgotten that home is our essence. Or for some, they have yet to embody and feel home within always seeking HOME. I know my home and my home is my power and the love I feel within my heart.

Do you know your home? If not, get to know your home. Build it up to be as strong as a mountain and listen for nature’s call to bring you to YOUR HOME. Or are you going to wait until something as mighty as Mother Nature brings a hurricane for you to know it?

Have you lived teaday?!